A breeze ran over the trees around us and caused the environment to whisper.
I laughed through my nose, thinking back to Samuel and I’s conversation on the roof, “Are you saying that you don’t love God?”
Theodore poured himself another glass, “Im saying that I,” He put his hand over his heart, “Theodore Estky Snape, hate God. How could I love Them, when it was Their doing that led to my daughter’s sudden death. It's this hatred, Peter, that fuels my every move. It’s what motivates me to work so hard to save every life that befalls me. Why would I let Them have the satisfaction of taking another soul from this earth? I can’t stand the idea of my fellow men and women burning in hell, for that is where all our souls will go, I know this for fact. God’s standards are too high, and every last one of us, besides the likes of Samuel over there, will burn forever, no matter how well we treat each other. We are all sinners in one way or another. We just like to think that we are different from the other sinners, but in the end, we are all the same. We are all dirty.”
I stroked my chin, “You should speak with Samuel about this. I feel you and him have more in common than you might think. His opinions on God might surprise you.”
“You think?” He said slowly.
“I do. From what you have just told me, I believe he’ll be able to give you insight on a few things. I think you are right to see us all as sinners. No man is without fault.” I reached over and touched Theodore’s hand. It was shaking and cold.“But it is important to also see the good in man too. Hatred poisons the soul, I can see that in your face. It makes us hold onto the past, when all that our past is is memories. Samuel can tell you himself, that memories, and the feelings they bring, are nothing more than fantasy. They are a play we enact in our heads.”
Theodore pulled his hand away and finished his glass. He grunted. His eyes moved back and forth rapidly as if he were caught up in thought. “Perhaps you are right Peter. Like I said, I see wisdom in you, even if you do not see it yourself. Your words have struck me, for I can see what you are getting at. Let me tell you something personal, something that I have not told a soul, not since my wife left me after our daughter died. Do not blame her. Her leaving was a wise decision, for I became a monster… am a monster… because of my daughter’s death. I didn't always drink, Peter. I was once a sober soul. I once healed folks because I loved them and wanted them to be well, not because I hated God for what He did to my sweet girl. But as you can see, that all changed. Everything changes; even, it seems, the things you love the most. Have you noticed that?”221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmENw4OvqXi
“I have. It is an unfortunate part of life. I wish my father never left. I wish my mother was well.”
“Yes, maybe that is where your wisdom comes from. Deep within you, just like me, is a well of sorrow that seems to never go dry.”
I looked away, introspecting on my own personal pain. “I think you’re right. There is this pain I have in me that persists, but I haven’t had the chance, not since my mother fell ill, to sit and examine it. Not well, that is.”
“Yes! You have struck gold with your words there, Peter! That, right there, is what I mean, what I have not told a soul, for there has not been around to tell. Just like you, there is this pain that sits in my gut. There is this cloud over my head that blocks out all light and makes everything in my life a dull gray. It makes my happiness feel sour, my achievements feel unsatisfactory, even when they are great. So you know what I do? I drink. I sit and stare up at the sky and curse God for placing this weight upon my soul. I spend all my hours drunk and bleary to reality, helping the sick and weak, hoping that someone like you will come around… someone who can understand my struggle.”
Theodore began to cry, and this time he did not pinch his eyes, but allowed his tears to flow. “God!” he cried, shaking his fists at the starry sky, “I wish you would have taken me instead! I am the sinner! She had so much of her life left, she was so innocent… Oh God, why!”
I stood and walked over to the doctor who remained seated. “Come,” I waved for him to get up, but he merely looked up to me confused, his face red with tears. “Come on, stand so I can give you a hug. You deserve it my friend. You deserve love.”
He rose, slowly, hesitantly, and we hugged for a long time while he wetted my shoulder with his sadness. I rubbed his back and told him what he felt was fine, that his sadness is okay. No one is built to go through such an event without breaking down and being rebuilt.
We stood there till he let it all out and he had no more tears left. He thanked me with a kiss on the forehead, and again apologized for how he acted at the beginning of our tale.
“Please,” he said, wiping his nose, “Let me help you with your mother in some way. I need to repay you for helping me. When I told you before that your mother was not sick, I meant that. She doesn’t, from what I can tell, have anything physically wrong with her. But I suppose she may have something eating at her soul, so why don’t you send her my way, so I can give her a job here at my hospital. Perhaps having a mission will help get her mind off whatever is plaguing it. Tell her that she will be helping me save sick people from succumbing to their illness like her husband did. It will give her life meaning, and maybe then, she will be able to see life’s glorious light.”
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and then Add to home screen.